Just a diary for myself~~~

Feeling so down these days, I did a bad thing as said by my very own father---I found evidence of him and another woman and these lead to a family breakup and divorce of my own family.

If you ask me what I really would wish for from the coming soon Christmas, I hope for my cheerful-ness. I felt that all of my laughter have been drowned by this divorce. I was told by a lot of people I was naive about matters of life. How I wished I could have been now! Truth hurts really badly and that is even worse when it's someone who loves you dearly who did the unforgivable sin. I lost the most wonderful part of my previous nature officially.

For the past 9 years, I have been trying to be naive about things happening at home, avoiding all accusations my mum have for my dad, siding my dad even when I knew he is flirting outside. I tried my best to pull them together, even to the extent of arranging them to go out every weekend. I was even afraid that they would quarrel if I'm not around. Making a point to be with them even if it's after a whole day's filming. That didn't work at all.

3 years ago, I brought them to the legal aid bureau for their divorce because I knew it will not be successful as both parties still hold feelings for each other. But my dad never learns. He still lands us in this broken family in the end. Why did I have to be the one who found all the evidence? Why did he even created them in the first place? Why can't he even stop when he saw the red light in his marriage and family?

I am thankful for all his upbringing over the many years, which gave me the chance to once be naive, to once be cheerful, to be what I am today. But is this what he need to patch back this family? No. Only his sincere apologies will help now. Which I doubt. A man's biggest failure is not when his wife decides to leave him, but it's when his children lost all hopes about him. Why can't he even think of us, his children, when he was flirting around?

Feel really bad about my mum as well. After the divorce, she will be all lonely by herself in her pending old age. Though she is naggy, like any other married woman, she is definitely a good wife who endures hardship with her husband and a good mother who takes meticulous care for her children. What has she done to suffer all this now? Felt really sad when she told me she still love my dad even when she knew about all these. But that love did not change her decision when she saw my dad's never-admit-wrong attitude.

Really hope all this guilt of mine clear up soon when they are divorced as I will be with my mum and brothers. We should be going for another new but unknown life after that.

Wish myself all the best in this!

So Long No See!!!

Just came back to my blog today!!! So long ago since my last post. Not that I disappeared liao, just that I was busy at work. Back into production! Haha...went back to Middle Earth Media to be Assistant Producer again!!(What?!)

Ya la, after joining Bluemax for like 1 week, I quitted. At first they let me be marketing and sales side de team, but I dun like. Cos need to sit in office whole day while waiting for time to go! Then after that they switched me to be Operations Manager, again, I found it boring. Then very coincidentally, MEM planning to film Agogo Princess, so I came back to help!

Since then, I was working for Agogo Princess and after that de kids drama My Little Guardian, while settling the wardrobe of Agogo, transfer tapes in Mediacorp, and etc...Kids drama is more hectic than an adult one if u have a very young child acting like me!

Oh ya, I started keeping my hamstery. Scary. They start giving birth and now im a partime midwife at home(?) HaHa...

My van de pic still not taken yet!! Lol...n lastly, hope to meet those i haven met so far la!! contact me!

MISTAKEN

MISTAKEN

After bidding with my friends, I boarded onto the train. Being the usual peak hours, I expected no seats for me. I swayed my way in slowly and held onto the poles. A man holding on to the detective comic book looked up from his book and looked at me. For one moment I felt an air of chivalry in him. He looked at me and asked me to take his seat. I blush hot red when he said so, telling him no need. He looked at me in amazement and went back into reading. I dared not look in his direction, and then almost laughing out to myself about the mistake he made. I was thinking of how the others will react if I laughed out, including the expression of the OL lady standing beside me, the old man sitting in front of me, and the aunty sitting behind me. The OL will be laughing demurely while looking at me. The old man might just burst out laughing and throwing his newspapers on the floor. And he might have his fake teeth falling onto the floor as well. The aunty will be laughing until she laughs her head off.

For a moment, I thought, it should be the man’s mistake, why should I be responsible of thinking of all the consequences. I turned to take a glance of him then think. Maybe I should just go up, give him 2 tight slaps and tell him off seriously. But this is too rough for a demure lady like me. Maybe I should go up and tell him it’s his mistake and let him apologize. Hack caring about what is being demure and rough of a lady, I decided on the first way to deal with him. I took out the umbrella inside my bag and turned around. He is not at his seat anymore. But the person seating behind me left her seat and I seat down. It’s lucky that he left.

Haha guys, its me again. sorry that I didnt upload the photos of my van, cos i haven even taken pics of it. oh ya, updates of me:

Left mediacorp, joining bluemax. Jialat hor the jumping around....

But now living happily, just that lost the heart for production. Time really makes people change. Haha.

Oh ya, annoucement! Not that Im getting married la! Ill be putting some of my story ideas which I met with and turned into a story. The characters are illustrious and dun think too much and link me with the characters. Creative people please do not copy the ideas, but I dun mind if you can make it better by commenting. Or if it is really good enough for your works, please also let me know ok? thanks. My first story is on the next post.

My 15th post!!!

Hey guys,

Very long time never add in my blog entry already. Hows life for everyone? Actually I dun care about you guys, just using this chance to let you guys about my updates. Haha...

My first channel 8 ap show is going to be telecasted. Remember to view "Xin Hua Duo Duo Kai" starting on 28 May 08, at 7pm. Hehe.

Me jumping again to Channel 5 drama division to do sitcoms. Cos Ch 8 is not really suitable for someone like me, though I understand work is like that. Been through some meetings in Ch 5 already, think that it's still not very bad. The people there more "yoyoZ" than Ch 8 and of cos, the scripts are better cos got rehearsals and punch-outs.

Still dunno if Ill be staying in Ch 5 for long, see how, but currently under the english sitcom, "First Class" which will be telecasted on National Day!!! HeeZ...must watch hor. Will be "yoyoZ-ing" and "kokoZ-ing" my way in Ch 5. Lol....

Oh ya, I also bought a car van. Haha...of cos la, under the heavy sponsorship of my Dad. My next post ill upload the pics of it. But the car plate number is GBA9917S, and in case you see me on the road, dun forget to say hello or wave to me hor!!! Ill definitely see you cos im a SLOW DRIVER!!! LOL....!!!

People! Update me on your status leh!!! Always must wait for me to contact you guys first de! Always like that de!!!

MY long awaited blog entry for my HK TRIP!!!

Paiseh, forgot to publish about my HK trip.

me at mongkok, ladies' street, did my hair perm the first night we got there. see?

me at the peak, see the view behind me???

i finally got my chance to take a mini bus!!!

but we alighted at stanley mall, instead of stanley market!!! HAHA. the then me was still thinking we were at the right stop!!!

Haha...I went to the disneyland HK also....

Eat, Shop, Drink, Sit, Sleep is what we did in HK in summary.

BACK BACK JX CORNER!!!

Hi to all my friends!!!

Me very long never visited my blog liao....haha...so busy. Updates on me, I've been promoted to Assistant Producer recently...but being a PA is more fun la. AP must take care of so many things....logistics, human relationships, shit things, scoldings....haiZ...

If you want to ask whether Im leaving, I wish to la! But as a very responsible, n bleh good qualities of mine, I decided to make a good deed by following my project till season 1 then decided stay or leave.

Act I do like working here, but I think its too traditional. It is so sad to be in a big company, which needed a lot of creativity to survive, that you must be "diam" about almost everything. Dun talk becomes an act of hypocrite. When you get scoldings over small small matters, which you will be treated far worse than a slave. Anything happen, just push blame lor, as long as you got black and white! If EP scold you, dun talk back even when you are right, just say sorry and she will loosen her bite on you! But i guess, every company is like that, unless you are the boss. HAHA!!! But for those who knows me well, how do I keep diam on every single occasion? Lol....I almost got into trouble talking back and arguing with my EP. Then after that even my Producer and Manager came to talk to me about this! Aiyo! I often talk back to my mum also de leh! Haha....typical me, in a typical situation.

I miss school life!!! Extremely missing it!!! But what to do? Life has to go on, and we have to grow old! My 21st birthday is coming and I hope for all the best for me. I need lots of wishes and "gui rens".

Contrary for me for having a bad upper head, I am quite fortunate to have a good Producer and Project Coordinator. Being new for me, they have really taught me a lot in behaving in this industry. Scoldings do happen on set for me by my dear Producer, but I do learn a lot from her. Advices from her though sounded like reprimanding, but at the end of the day, I know its for the good of me. Wanted to cry a few times but held back, thinking "I have learnt something new from her today again".

My project coordinator is like a mummy to all of us the APs. She will scream her head off when she is facing some problems with us, but its quite hilarious de. Nice person.

Haha, oh ya, just to mention about Michelle and Yuhan for those interested parties. Michelle is now an AP like me, stressing over the workload and human relationships. Both of us are very scared of our EP who like got hatred with new APs de lor!!!! Jia lat! Everytime Ill siam her lor. That's how scary! But as far as you all know, Mich is still like a beachball as usual, and we still bitch a lot while doing paperwork together. Haha....

Yuhan is now a trainee AP. She gets the chance to under study lor. Not fair. Mich and I weren't so lucky, and we were given 11 episodes which is considered a lot for new APs. Most new APs are only given like 2-3 eps. So torturing. Pay so little and work so chamly. But ah han is still as fit and healthy as possible.

Oh ya, never intro you all to my new drama. Xin Hua Duo Duo Kai. Aiya, long long drama of 110 eps lor, now undergoing the first 55 eps. mine is from 31-41 eps. mich's 12-22eps. This show is about flowers lor. If I follow throughout, Ill be in this for a year lor. Therefore deciding whether to stay or leave after season 1.

The story is quite Ok la, typical today singaporean drama. But I like the people in it, as in the artistes. Most are very forgiving and some humorous. Haha. That's about it guys, lastly, would like to share some photos of production lor.

Me standing in to set as eyeline

All who are close to me and sees my blog are invited to my 21st birthday party, of course la, Ill invite you all again also. Haha. It will b held on either 13 or 14 dec cos weekend i expect most of you can make it de la. heeZ.